Greeted With Open Arms

A year ago today I was out very early in the morning in the garden deadheading my many buddleja, flowering Andean sage, nasturtium and hibiscus. It is the best time to do it as at other times the plants are always covered in fat bees and butterflies. I did not want to get stung and I have an ongoing conversation with the bees that they do not own the plants, I do!

By 10.30 I had showered and dressed carefully for my day ahead. The day was going to be a full one, firstly the dentist for an extraction of a very painful molar and later on in the afternoon a visit from a special friend. I easily caught the bus up to the dentist, had a lovely chat with the receptionist and was even able to give some requested advice to one of them about not having her scheduled surgery using gynaecological mesh. The dentist assistant was a lovely silver haired girl in her teens and the dentist was a fabulous female. Very gentle.

The extraction was difficult, involving curved roots that were immediately near the sinus cavity. I was warned if it perforated it would need surgical repair. However all was well and we all smiled with relief when it was over. I did have to be careful not to sneeze with my mouth shut for a few days though! As I bit down on some gauze I tentatively made my way over to the shopping centre to get some goodies for afternoon tea.

Then I walked home, not bad considering my Cervical Spinal Stenosis makes pressure on my neck …..difficult. Perhaps the dentist asking that the nurse hold my head made a difference. Once home I had a very milky cup of tea, an interesting taste through blood soaked gauze!

When I checked my messages my friend said his daughter was through sooner than he thought so they would be over early afternoon instead of late. I rang him and asked what time and he said they were in Belmont! And asked for directions! I replied I had no idea as I do not drive and isn’t that what Google Maps are for? In the background I could hear this delightful giggling coming from his daughter G and much chatter and fun going on between them.

So after I hung up I dashed to the bathroom and spat out the second gauze plug…no further bleeding so was very pleased. I whacked on some bright red lipstick and fluffed up my hair and made sure the bathroom was ready for guests. Luckily I always over prepare so the snacks were plated up. Fresh plump blueberries, Maltezers and some sort of biscuits, perhaps Tim Tams? And lots of Irish tea.

Almost as soon as I had poured milk into the jug of my lovely Maxwell and Williams afternoon tea setting I heard laughter, giggles and chatter. I made my way to the door, suddenly overcome with nerves. I need not have worried, I was greeted with open arms by J and introduced to his daughter, whom I hugged with less reserve. J chatting all the way inside and gladly accepting the offer of a cuppa.

This was a very special meeting, one delayed by many many years, almost a lifetime in fact. We had met by phone only when he helped me with my dad in 2014, which was the year mum passed away. Early the next year he retired and his kindness and his lovely voice was quite a loss to me, so after six months I contacted him and we became Facebook friends. This led to playing Words With Friends, maniacally at times, depending upon who had a free afternoon midweek. Matches often went on all afternoon. I liked to online chat as we played. He preferred to play then chat.

We lost touch late 2015 until late last year, it coincided with my getting off my walker and having correct diagnoses for several issues which had made me less mobile than I should be. I was full of joy at being in charge of my health again and looking forward to the possibilities life might have in store for me rather than a life limited by disability. It had made me rather reckless in my online communication with J and I felt quite overcome with embarrassment at some of the things I had got up to online.

I put my best Verger front on though and we had a lovely time, with me teasing him about his many accents. He speaks in many UK dialects! Chatting with G was wonderful, about fashion, her new job and her move down here recently to be near her family. I loved her freshness and innocence. We all three trooped out to see my infamous  buddlejas and the rest of the garden.

After a fun time involving me begging J not to make me laugh because of my extraction, accompanied by peels of laughter from G, it was sadly time for them to go. J hugged me goodbye, a protracted hug which I was mortified by as I did not have a bra on! G then answered a phone call and J came out of the car for more cuddles and said we would be talking online. To which I answered of course.

So I survived the first meeting, met my man of many voices, his gorgeous daughter, and survived my embarrassment. How good it is to be over 60. To have nothing to lose. To trust someone so deeply that anything is possible. Indeed to even meet someone where anything is possible is a rare thing. Over time since then we have committed ourselves to each other, in words and deeds. And to each other’s adult children and we love being involved in their lives.

 

 

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Symbolism

My friend told me that this rare beautiful Swallowtail Butterfly is my mum. Coming by to tell me she is with happy with me.

I was not one to think such things but then I remembered the eagle, on the day and time of her cremation. Perhaps our loved ones can show us these little moments of pure joy. Or the universe or whatever one believes in. I believe in spirits of people, the soul. Anyone who has seen a loved ones lifeless body knows their spirit is gone. And their spirits cannot be held back by mortal bodies.

The blue butterly has been back a lot. I even managed to capture it on my iphone, nearly falling into my buddleja to do it! It was fun and a challenge.

It is pouring with rain here at the moment so no butterflies in sight, however rain is a great time for reflection, for cosiness, for looking at photos and reading. Snuggling down under the covers and watching dvds. It is what I intend to do. If you have someone to snuggle with all the better. But it has to be the right someone.

I am having issues with fending off a really sweet chap who lives near me. Honestly do not know what to say to him when he asks me out. It is only a matter of time.

I could try the platonic friends only thing, or the celibacy thing, but I actually would like someone to cuddle with, snuggle with on a day like this.

I have never been one to settle for anyone, there has to be a spark of something. And that spark can be painful for me. If I am attracted to anyone then I get Spontaneous Orgasms from my surgical scarring. I am seriously thinking that Celibacy might be the way to go. And that would mean no touching by others. This chap keeps stroking me. My arm. My shoulder. Lots of stroking and long gazes into the eyes. And I am a toucher. It is how I show affection. So I guess platonic friends could snuggle, if there is no spark it should be okay for me, no nasty pelvic spasms to embarrass me.

I could use my mum right now, in whatever form she should choose to take. I know I could tell her everything and she would understand.

Its not easy dating again after over thirty five years. I love Frankie And Grace on Netfix. I am not sure which one I am like. Neither I guess but it would be fabulous to be like them. But I guess they have the necessary parts. I mean how do I go about telling a chap I am not in full working order? That as well as that I have an ostomy and everything that goes with that.

Mum could not help with this actually as she did not know about the ostomy. Or the so called deformities. And defects. I protected her right up to the end.