Delightfully Relaxed and Friendly

A few months ago my partner J drove me to Newcastle Airport so that I could fly to Brisbane to visit my high school friend, It was my first holiday in many years having not flown since 1991. I also found the experience very different to my time as an Ansett hostess in 1975/1976.

The Virgin crew were very good on the ground at Newcastle Airport. They assisted me via hydraulic lift to enter the airplane and the same on debarkation. While waiting for the lift at Brisbane I disclosed I had not been back to Brisbane since I lived and worked out of there as an Air Hostess for Ansett in 1975. The team leader promptly told the Captain and they all escorted me off the plane, chatting about the changes as I was wheeled to where my friend was waiting. The team leader was keen to meet up sometime to talk but I did not have my wits about me. I need to get some cards printed up so that people can contact me as it will make it easier, especially when advocating for people.

My friend was waiting for me, it was so lovely to see her again. It was a lovely drive to her home and so precious to spend time with her. She was on half yearly break and also needing the holiday. I met her wonderful daughter and we three went to The Bee Gees Walk which was amazing. I felt terrible for them though as my legs are so weak now I could not walk very far and had to sit a lot. However in the car I was fine and it was a wonderful trip there. We passed Indooroopilly Shopping Centre, a huge complex which we also visited on my last full day there. We also passed Ikea. Now I know where my Brisbane based friends are when they say they are shopping at Ikea.

Another day we drove to Morton Bay Shire and I adored the country town about an hour inland where L took me which had fabulous antique shops and galleries etc. I bought fudge from an antiques shop, after a long lunch with her and her friend. L bought some charming Wedgewood dessert plates from there. We then went back to her friend’s rural property where I met her family. It was lovely to see the family’s alternate lifestyle and be with fellow upcyclers etc.

L has committed to buying nothing new for a year and in that vein we went to many many fabulous charity shops. Amazing clothing in all the top designers was found and I hoped I could manage to get everything into my suitcase when I left!

I had one disaster with my colostomy. I had shockingly rapid output one day and I just managed to get to the toilet in a small shopping centre. The disabled toilet was huge however it had no surfaces for me to lay out my supplies and wet wipes etc, so disaster struck. It took me ages to clean up the toilet and floor etc and my poor friend was patiently waiting outside for me. After checking my clothing I considered myself lucky it did not go on there and then we launched ourselves into food shopping upstairs in the centre. Me holding up a quite a queue of able bodied climbers! However I found everyone I met there delightfully relaxed and friendly.

Straight after we had an appointment for tea at a friend’s Persian restaurant. On the way in the car I kept smelling poo. I checked my hands. Peeked into my leggings. Nothing. I scrubbed my hands with sanitiser but it was still there. After saying that it must be all in my head my friend started to smell it too! We were at a loss. I sprayed lots of my Frangipani perfume to cover it up and we went into the restaurant.

L introduced me to her lovely friend and we tried to decide what to have to eat. Eventually we had coffee and tea and decided on taking food home for dinner. We grabbed our bags, car keys and sunglasses and made our way to the car. I clambered into her car and buckled my seatbelt and when I went to put on my sunglasses I smelled poo. Yes….there was a blob of poo on my blackish brownish sunglasses. After screeching with horror then laughter I attacked them with my disinfectant wipes and we tried not to think of the sunglasses on the restaurant table for all that time.

When we returned to L’s house I texted my son, asking him if he could guess what had happened. I texted in short sentences building the drama. Of course he upped the ante by answering in funny memes of horror! It was storytelling at its finest. I sent that all on to my partner, though he loves words he also loves the way C and I are so alike and so bonded, even in our humour.

We had many wonderful meals at L’s home. A fabulous curry courtesy of her fabulous daughter E one night and L’s homemade soup another. The mornings were a great time to relax and prepare for the day. During a couple of the days L had some alternative medicine treatments while I op shopped to my heart’s content. When I was finished I found two great coffee shops in the trendy part of town. One vegan type one was so popular that police teams came in for their lunch. The other was a Coffee Club which had a distinct Queenslander feel to it. It had a huge outdoor room on the pavement and I commended them on their Disabled Toilet being Ostomy friendly.

On the last day we popped over to Indooroopilly Shopping Centre for a bit of shopping and lunch in the food hall. While we were there I received an urgent voicemail from the manager of dad’s care home. She said that my estranged brother was saying that he was in charge of dad and he wanted all his ID and paperwork so that he could move him to near where he now lives. She had managed to stop him but was very concerned. I told her I would be back the next day and the rest of the afternoon, my last day with L was spent making phone calls to see what could be done to stop this happening.

The next morning L dropped me at the airport and I made my way home. Waiting at Newcastle Airport for me was my lover, my friend, my companion and my partner. All four rolled into one. We had a glorious drive back, after watching the Airforce aircraft taking off just over our heads at Williamstown.

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Common Circus Belmont

Yesterday I had a flu shot administered by a medical student under the expert instructions of my GP. We all survived, I still have my arm, though it is a tad sore at the site which is usual.

The student was male which was unusual as we get a lot of female med students and he did an excellent job for a first injection!

I felt in need of a coffee as I always do if I am in the vicinity of Common Circus, the wonderful homewares and coffee shop opposite Belmont Lake.

I have been coming here since I moved into my home in 2015 and really love sitting at the large communal monk’s style table. I blog my memoirs, surreptitiously people and baby watch and chat to people from all walks of life as well as these days assess who is a tourist.

I remember the first time in 2016 when I was asked if I was a local! By a tourist. It was incredible and I felt really proud of my beautiful region. Then I chatted about Words With Friends and other things and yesterday I observed a lovely interaction with some young mums at the table.

One mum had a newborn in a sling which the other mum nursed for her. Her little toddler was hidden by the plants in the middle of the table so I could not see what he was doing. He was very quiet.

I asked if it was okay to take photos for my blog. Assured them it was anonymous and covered women’s health etc and coffee shop reviews! They liked that I think though the gorgeous young mum was concerned she looked awful as was sleep deprived and had no make up on.

You can judge for yourself from the photos below. There were lots of people coming and going. Business types in suits getting their take away coffees. Older people reading newspapers while they savoured theirs. And then the younger ones perched on the stools looking towards the lake.

There is a lovely outdoor area with a communal table and the staff is always perky. And not as a result of the coffee. They are naturally inclined that way! And. They know the names of most of their regulars!

I highly recommend this place, not least for the service they provide but for the way they make use of recycled paper boxes and napkins and cups instead of plates and cups and saucers. Their coffee and food is unparalleled too.

The decor is gorgeous with patchwork panelling and colourful coffee machines. Currently pink. Used to be aqua. I prefer the aqua but that is just my taste and the pink does not nauseate me as it may some people I know. Think fifties kitchens. Pretty.

Five star review. Excellent and has remained so, even improved if that is possible.

Resigned, Not Panicked

Today I went to the local Dental Clinic to have my mouth assessed for dentures. It is a difficult place for me to get to. The local bus that connects has a forty minute wait so I walked up to the shops via Belmont Citi Centre where I had a very nice coffee. Then I popped into two charity shops, scoring three gorgeous jackets for myself and a gorgeous dress too. I made it to the bus stop as the bus pulled up and it was a pleasant trip around the lake to the Dental Clinic.

However getting off the bus was problematic as it was not accessible so did not have a ramp and the driver pulled up right on the road. I tried about three times to get off then climbed down backwards, hoping my good leg would reach the higher curb.

Then began the walk down the really uneven unkempt sidewalk to the Clinic. I asked for a glass of water as soon as I got there as was feeling a bit rattled and the lovely Sarah got me one straightaway.

Then the male dental assistant…a first for me… called me in. I was sitting sipping water and quite well dressed and well presented if I do say so myself, wearing an art deco styled tunic in greens with black leggings and a bottle green tshirt under the tunic. Black sandals and an off white lace cardi coat completed the outfit. So it is always a surprise for medical staff and others when they see me get up and attempt to walk.

This lovely male dental assistant took my handbag and everything off me to assist me immediately he saw me hobbling. He commented that was some incapacity and was it recent. So I explained the mesh implant and how it had entrapped my nerves causing Drop Foot and other issues. Angharad the dentist and the lovely chap were pretty stunned.

My mouth is looking pretty good apparently. Apart from a chunk of bone Angharad picked out after numbing that side of my face with gel. She then arranged for me to see a Dental Technician to have two dentures fitted, one top and one bottom. And also a referall to Sydney Dental Hospital for implants.

I then started to make my way back to the bus stop to return home and found I was having a lot of trouble moving my left leg. It is the one with the drop foot but this was more the whole leg would not work which is the Cervical Stenosis at its worst. Lesson learned, too many dental appointments not good for me and I need to get a taxi or a lift back.

For some reason it reminded me of when my dad and I were in Swansea after seeing his GP and having a coffee in Cozzies. We waited outside Cozzies for over two hours for a taxi. I called and called and not one of them would come down from Belmont to Swansea. I was getting frantic as I could not leave dad alone as he had no road sense due to dementia but I could feel my Colostomy Bag filling up. I was really horrified when it burst open. I rang one final time and let Newcastle Taxis have it, telling them I had a demented man sitting waiting beside me near the Pacific Highway and I had just burst my Colostomy Bag.

Of course dad was horrified by my bag bursting. He said I could go find a toilet but I could not leave him and I could not take him into the disabled toilets nearby as he would be even more horrified if he saw my stoma and what I had to do to clean up the mess.

Luckily a lovely taxi driver who works out of Belmont took pity on me then and was there very quickly and drove us the short distance to Cave’s Beach. He ignored the awful smell and apologised and gave us his card so we could call him directly in future.

Today I waited outside Belmont Citi Centre and again there were no taxis as it was changeover time and the few cabs there were usually picked up schoolchildren from various places. I decided to try to walk home but needed to rest. The looks from people had been horrified as they saw me dragging myself across the carpark.

So as I sat I reflected on the fact that this time I was resigned, not panicked as I had been five years ago about getting home. This time I did not have a demented dad relying on me for everything and who was unable to get the bus or walk up the two hills.

This time I only had myself to deal with. However my precious son came and met me at the Centre. Looking very concerned at my face. He does not have to look at my legs or tummy, he can read everything on my face. I so very much wish he did not know how to. But he has been exposed to so much pain and suffering since we have been up here that he just gets it. And how proud I am of him, the way he went and bought me an iced coffee to sip while he popped to the post office. Knowing that when he came back we would be able to get home without a taxi as there are lots of benches on the way home to rest upon. Which is what we did, he had brought my walking stick with him and I walked on the grass verge and it was a lot easier than the pavement.

Am resting now, thankful for the lesson my body gave me. And eternally grateful to have such a wonderful son.

Much Loved and Safe

On This Day five years ago I had a really busy day in preparation for our move north. I decided to have my “After Suicide Attempt By Family Member Psychologist” session coffee beforehand so that I could get on with the many things I had yet to complete before our upcoming moving day.

Usually I sat in Westfield Bondi Junction food court with my face blotchy from crying through the whole session. I liked to try to get ahold of myself before getting the bus home. This time was the first time I did not cry through the whole session.  As a matter of fact I did not cry at all! I graduated, not in the usual way from a course but in that I completed all the things I needed to in my own mind.

I knew instinctively that we needed somewhere safe to stay, even temporarily, where we would be with people who loved us and knew us and wanted the best for us. Being in an unknown environment in the state my son and I were in would not help us heal, however we had to get away from the possibility of contact with D.

So straight after the session I boarded a bus to Maroubra to return the GPS monitoring device I had been given by Stay At Home Leaving Violence, an organisation that had supported us so freely and compassionately. J the Housing case worker was so happy to know where we were going however she counselled me against staying too long, she said I was in no state to be a carer, that I had to put myself first. She also reiterated her opinion that I would be very good at Advocacy work.

Five years later the Advocacy has become second nature, and about so much more than Domestic Violence. It is Dementia, Mesh, Ostomies and Women’s Surgical Issues. And I did stay longer, because though my need and my son’s need was great, my aged demented parent’s needs were so much greater. And one is gone now, and another in care, and both were, and are, much loved and safe.

Ever Spreading Tendril

I had an appointment today with my dentist. As I was almost forty minutes early due to the strange timetables of Newcastle buses I popped into the coffee shop that I have had my eye on for a while.

Big mistake. Though the lovely Lisa the proprietor was well intentioned she is basically deluded. Anyone who thinks they can repair mesh damage, namely a drop foot, with antioxidants is totally out of their mind. And dangerous to the unknowing, the uninformed, the people finding their lives unendurable.

So good to know that her 80 year old husband who is twice her age is as fit as her. I mean would he dare be otherwise? I tried to explain it was not age related or arthritis related. And that my medications are a necessity not a foolish luxury like the antioxidants. But I know a lost cause when I see one.

I managed to get away and limped, trying not to dammit, to my dentist. Where I had a longish wait. Somehow, and am incredulous as to how this keeps happening, one of the receptionists told me she has a TVT (trans vaginal sling) and was very interested to hear how I became meshed up.

I was able to give her Professor Vancaillie’s name, explain everything to her and encourage her to get a 3D Trans Vaginal Ultrasound. As only around 20% of cases cause issues it is good to know if the mesh is still in position, and to get a referral to discuss options with a Urogynaecologist if needed.

She was very open, informed and intelligent. Asked me how my bladder surgery was done using my own tissue and also how the rectoceles were repaired also using my own tissue. So perhaps the situation with the unknowingly ignorant Lisa was meant to be? Or perhaps the Sisterhood is indeed an Entity, with many tendrils, spreading out around the world to share, to inform and to protect women from being mutilated, butchered and meshed up. I thank God, The Universe and The Sisterhood and am indeed humbled to be part of this ever twining tendril spreading around the world to release and protect fellow sisters from ignorance and cruelty.

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No Contest

On This Day five years ago my son and I were in court as Apprehended Violence Orders were taken out against his dad/my husband of 29 years.

It was a sickening experience for us. C was so upset he had to go to Emergency the day before as he was feeling overwhelmed. Luckily a young Psychiatrist saw him and understood what was happening.

He advised us both to emerse ourselves in something that night, before court. So we did. Watching the latest Star Trek film on DVD, snuggled under afghans on his leather chairs, sitting beside each other.

The next morning I had to get up well before the court appointed time as I was still retching until three every day. It took me ages to swallow my medications.

I was immediately shown to the Women Only room however there was nowhere for male victims to go so my poor son had to stand and watch as his father walked by him and up the stairs to the courtroom. We were beyond grateful that his friend G came to stand with him and support him. Especially since his girlfriend broke up with him that day. Or her parents did, she just followed blindly, as always. When he needed her she was never there for him.

My then husband pled No Contest though he had wanted to deny the charges and fight the AVO. He was advised by his lawyer not to fight it. And that day ended our lives really as we knew them to be. It had always been the three of us. Though since his breakdown seven years before it was really unbalanced with us being more in the carer role to him.

Regardless of the hurt and fear he had caused us we still hoped that he would become well again one day. After court we walked up to Bondi Junction to the wonderful “Curious Cafe” and talked with G for hours, sitting in the sun, watching life go on for everyone else.

 

 

 

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The Force Was With Me

A week ago my family and I ventured out to Charlestown Square to experience the new pop up Star Wars Cafe. My son has been to the permanent one in Honeysuckle, Newcastle which is known as the Empire Coffee Company and he played Star Trek Trivia there and he came third! The place was easy to find and well presented. A whole lot of nerds and not so nerdy types came in, everyone very friendly.

The youngsters had food and drink then went off to Telstra to buy a new iPad for our grandson. I stayed for another hour and almost completed a blog post, so very close to the finish and then the staff came over and told me they shut in five minutes at 3 pm. After I told them what I was doing they stopped and had a chat about iPads, and future Trivia nights.

The service was amazing, as the food appeared to be too, however I am a stickler for good strong Italian coffee and it just did not make the grade. I would definitely go there again but have a pot of tea instead.

 

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