A few weeks ago I wrote a post about my man of many voices. I sent him the post as he is my First Reader and I value his reactions and help with editing.
The last time we had seen each other we had lunch at my friend’s house and after that J kindly drove me home. This takes about ninety minutes via the coastal route and was wonderful as we had both lived and enjoyed that region when we were young.
On the way we looked at the houses we had lived in then. Mine with my parents and brother and him with his wife and children. They were a few streets apart. I was also honoured to be shown his brother’s grave nearby. He had died in a car accident when they were both in their twenties, shortly after they migrated here from England. I was very moved and embraced him. He was trembling and I held him for a long time and massaged his chest, where I could feel his heart beating. Very hard. I kept my hand there until I thought he was more composed.
My son was home when we arrived and we all had an enjoyable time together. When J left he kissed me for the first time. I was so stunned I instinctively turned to my son and mouthed he kissed me! One reason I was so stunned is because its over twenty years since I was kissed by a man out of affection. And I was married for a lot of that time. So I thought I had forgotten how to do it.
We arranged to meet up again the next week on the Wednesday, this time without having lunch at my friends. She is wonderful but it was hard to have any time to talk to each other there. My friend H drove me down to Gosford as she works there three days a week. She dropped me off at Hungry Jacks in Gosford where we had arranged to meet. H and I had toasted sandwiches for breakfast and H waited as long as she could then she went off to work. I waited and then J texted me that he was at a different Hungry Jacks!
He soon arrived and we went back to his place, which I had not seen before. It was exactly him. Books and dvds and sofas galore. Lush green rugs and various pieces of art which had special meaning to him. He showed me over the flat and pointed out the huge sofa where his adult children slept when they came up and where his daughter’s room was. It was very spacious, with lots of furniture but still felt as if it was sparsely furnished. Quite a hard thing to do. Perhaps because its quite a big flat, indeed my entire cabin could fit in his lounge room!
We shared a pot of tea together on the sofa, looked through some photographs of his family in the UK and chatted and were very relaxed together. Then he stood up and said lat’s go and get comfortable shall we and disappeared to his room. I sat there wondering what was going on then followed him. He was laying down on the bed so I followed suite. No idea what I was getting myself into. He put his arm around me and we kissed then he took his shirt off and said that was better. We kissed and fooled around a bit and then he took his shorts off. I took my tunic off and eventually my bra. After a while he went to put the radio on and came back and shucked his sexy aqua under shorts off.
I was a bit bemused by then but willing to go for it. I still had my leggings and undies on, mostly to cover my bag and fat tummy. They obviously got in the way so eventually and excruciatingly self consciously took them off and snuggled into him and he sighed that that was better.
He was so gentle, so considerate, so giving and every step of the way kept telling me everything was in my control. My choice. That he wanted only to bring me joy. He massaged me with Nivea lotion and most tenderly brushed my hair from my face.
We explored different positions as we were not even sure if we could have intercourse due to my scarring and so called deformities and defects from childbirth. And the last time I had sex was with my husband and basically rape while I was recovering from surgery in 2000.
Eventually J asked if I had brought lube and I said no as I had not been expecting anything to happen. He said I had spelled it out in my blog post the night before, where I said about making love to him. I said I meant much later, when I lost my inhibitions. He said well then I was very, very brave. He says that a lot. In a kind of awed way. Whereas I think I am impulsive. But with this man I trust so much it is safe for me to act impulsively, on my instincts.
He is gentle though passionate, kind though brutally honest and a loving partner yet still an individual. I am madly in love with him and I also love him. Two different forms of love but together, deep and exciting.
Since that day we have made love many many times. We found a way to get past my scars and imagine the surprise of finding a fully functioning vagina behind all the scarring. And no pain. It takes a little longer and a few weird angles but we are fine with that. The cuddles, the massages, the caresses are magic and once we go to bed its hard to stop. Though we managed to last week, we went out for a meal afterwards and I think the glow was there for all to see. The afterglow of an afternoon spent loving each other’s bodies and the glow of love we have for each other.
We are also trying new experiences. Unfortunately we were caught by a hiker in the Watagan Forest a few weeks ago when we started making out but we managed to get naked together later in a much more isolated spot. J on the picnic table, me worshiping his body with my mouth. And later we tried to make love leaning over the picnic table but J kept slipping backwards into the dirt. He never said that my movements were knocking him backwards! We have some practice to do on different positions due to my surgeries and are so up for it.
After a largely loveless marriage since 2000 for myself and also a bad marriage for J in the past we are not wasting any time. We are juggling opportunities to get together. We love our time exploring each other’s bodies but also love the region where I live and have been exploring it.
Lake Macquarie is magnificent and its beauty has healed me in so many ways. Now I love someone who has history in the area where I grew up and also where I now live. And I have history where he now lives. Synchronicity. Its an incredible thing to feel like you are meant to have met someone before. And to actually meet them at this stage of our lives. Well its nothing short of magic.